Birthday Jokes, Birthday Jokes Men, Birthday Jokes Women, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes, is now here to give you about birthday jokes for men and birthday jokes for women.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

Birthday Jokes Men:

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New!

The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady s house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.

"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady s house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

Birthday Jokes Shortest Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said: "NO!"

Then the girl went shopping, dancing, and traveling. She drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, went anywhere she wanted and didn't have to call home, never had pointless arguments, ate lots of ice cream, watched anything she wanted on TV, had many lovers ... or not, and didn't share her money with anyone. She had all the hot water to herself and the whole bed too. She didn't have to listen to snoring or farting or

burping. . .phew! She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore lacy lingerie that went up her butt, and never cried or yelled simply out of frustration. She read all those books by her bed and she sat in the sun and drank iced tea. She felt fabulous in sweat pants and wore them until they fell apart. She smiled and laughed and was pleasant all the time!

And ... the girl lived happily forever-after.

The End

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Birthday Jokes, Birthday Jokes Men, Birthday Jokes Women, Rude Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes, is now here to give you about birthday jokes for men and birthday jokes for women.

What women want in a man at age 22:

  • Handsome
  • A caring listener
  • Charming
  • Dresses with style
  • Full of thoughtful surprises
  • Financially successful
  • Witty
  • In good shape
  • An imaginative, romantic lover
  • Appreciates finer things
What women want in a man at age 32:
  • Has enough money for a nice dinner
  • Nice looking (preferably with hair)
  • Carries bags of groceries with ease
  • Opens car doors, holds chairs
  • Seeks romance at least once a week
  • Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
  • Listens more than talks
  • Laughs at my jokes
  • Owns at least one tie
  • Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
What women want in a man at age 42:
  • Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  • Nods head when I'm talking
  • Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  • Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
  • Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
  • Shaves most weekends
  • Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
  • Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
  • Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  • Remembers to put the toilet seat down
What women want in a man at age 52:
  • Appreciates a good TV dinner
  • Remembers your name on occasion
  • Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  • Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
  • Doesn't borrow money too often
  • Doesn't belch or scratch in public
  • Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
  • Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  • Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
  • Shaves some weekends
What women want in a man at age 62:
  • Remembers that it's the weekend
  • Doesn't scare small children
  • Likes soft foods
  • Only snores lightly when asleep
  • Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  • Remembers where bathroom is
  • Remembers why he's laughing
  • Doesn't require much money for upkeep
  • Usually wears some clothes
  • Remembers where he left his teeth
What women want in a man at age 72:
  • Doesn't miss the toilet
  • Breathing
Birthday Joke - Joke On Wife's Birthday

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Birthday Jokes, Short Birthday Jokes, Funny Birthday Jokes

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.

The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "